#95 Bonding Through Bulgogi
Review of Crying in H Mart by M Zauner
When struggling indie-rock star Michelle Zauner, from the band Japanese Breakfast, connected most closely to her mother, the tastes, smells, and jiggly noodles of Korean food permeated the space between them. Every significant conversation or life event is brought to the reader through the delicious sights and sounds of their shared meals. As a young Korean lady who married an American businessman and moved to America, Michelle’s mother, Chong, desperately sought to maintain her connection to Korea and introduce her homeland to her American daughter through food.
Unsplash photo by Ryan Kwok
And oh, Ms. Zauner has a way with words when it comes to describing the textures, aromas, and flavors of her beloved food. She will leave your mouth watering. As someone with absolutely no knowledge or understanding of Korean cuisine, the book is not so much and introduction but a full-scale immersion. Even the most stubborn “food as fuel” folks among us would quickly fall prey to the author’s evocative prose. I wanted to go visit the nearest H Mart, the largest Asian supermarket chain in America.
When Michelle gets that fateful call from her mother notifying her of an advanced cancer diagnosis, their common language of shared meals becomes even more important. The daughter journeys back to rural Oregon to help care for her mother as she enters a trial of chemotherapy. By recreating many of her family’s recipes, Michelle tries to keep her mother hydrated and connected to her.
Much of the book tells of the struggles between young Michelle, aching for independence and her own identity as a person born into two cultures, and the clash with her devoted and smothering mother. In between, there are the brutal insights into her relationship with her all-too-human father. Sometimes, it is a battle royale and often, it is a nostalgic journey through the aisles of H Mart.
Unsplash photo by Sonder Quest
I write and review many medical memoirs, novels, and other genres online for a national physician’s magazine, The DO. Many of our rookie medical students and residents are so young and inexperienced when it comes to the lives and sufferings of other people. I recommend reading patient memoirs to learn more and grow their empathy. Ms. Zauner brings the reader right into the suffering of the family attending to the dying cancer patient. For those readers who have recently gone through this experience, some parts might be too painful to experience again.
Unsplash photo by the National Cancer Institute
Like many adolescents and young adults before her, Ms. Zauner spent many of her teen years in stubborn defiance of her mother’s rules and expectations. When she wants to reconnect and really understand her mother, she finds her time agonizingly short. She begins to see, not surprisingly, that she and her mother had so much in common in terms of an independent spirit and sense of rebelliousness. By trying to bubble wrap her daughter from any injury, she inadvertently smothered her.
Before the shiva service, after my mother passed away, a dear friend told me these very wise words, “You have no idea how much your mother loves you until you become a mother.” She was not wrong. Perhaps Ms. Zauner will also discover this along her journey through life. Her mother did the best she could and they do not issue an instruction manual when you take the baby (or babies) home from the hospital.
I truly enjoyed this book although I think it flails a bit at the end. The whole memoir premise immersed in shared Korean comfort food feels delightful and sacred. It must be hard to wrap up a book that begins so spectacularly. Ms. Zauner’s description of hunting for and cooking Korean food with and for her ailing her mother will leave you salivating for a taste. I considered purchasing the audiobook so I could hear the author’s own words and correct pronunciations.
Crying in H Mart is not exactly a light read but a necessary exploration of love, grief, and Korean food. Readers caring for an aging or ill parent will find humor, pathos, and longing is our shared human experience.
