#99 Bring a Photo Album When You Visit the Nursing Home

It helps spur the memories.

Grandpa Sherman and Ben photo by Joan Naidorf

I read a thoughtful piece on Medium.com, by Sarah Cords, that raised some wonderful ideas about how to visit family in a skilled nursing facility. How To Visit a Loved One In the Nursing Home should get about ten thousand more reads. It made me remember a great device I used during many visits.

My father-in-law, Sherman, lived out his final years in a skilled nursing facility. His Parkinson’s disease had advanced to the point that between his movement disorder and cognitive issues, he could no longer live at home. He yearned to be back at home and loved visits from family and friends. I tried to visit him as often as I could, yet I found our conversations devolved into an airing of his grievances.

Believe me, there was much truth to his complaints and his situation was never going to satisfy him completely. After filling him in on the news of the family which included my kids, his three grandchildren, I was running out of ways to keep the conversation moving. Then I came up with the perfect idea.

Before driving to visit him, I grabbed one of the many photo albums that I had very ambitiously assembled when my kids were younger. Those were the days before digital photography when one had to have a camera, load the film, and go to the drugstore to get it developed. I had albums arranged for the twins, baby Adam, birthdays, Halloween, Passover seders, B’nai Mitzvahs and more.

Sherman was delighted when I first handed him one of the albums to page through. Many folks with dementia have better recall from the more distant past than the short term. His memories of events came flooding back. He got to smile, ask questions, and remember where we had been or what the folks were doing. 

When he finished paging through the album, he felt like he had accomplished something. We conjured up some lovely memories of the people and events in our lives. We shared quite a few laughs as we walked down memory lane. Soon, I would return to the school pick-ups and the errands of a busy, working, doctor mom. It was nice to slow down for a while.

Sherman passed away quite a few years ago. There were many visits to “the home” over the years. I brought the kids, and I even brought my dog, Ginger, whom he loved dearly. Ginger would hop up into his lap and gladly receive a good scratch behind the ears and a belly rub. One time I arranged for my son’s high school band to give a concert to the residents.

Grandpa Sherman and Adam photo by Joan Naidorf

One memorable visit occurred after Sherman refused transport by ambulance to the nearest emergency department after he fell and lacerated his ear. He knew his daughter-in-law, the ER doctor, could fix him. I brought in a tube of Dermabond, a skin adhesive, and did a very nice repair, if I do say so myself.

With that rare exception, the visits were lovely. Those trips with the photo albums were some of the best. Next time you go to visit your loved one in the nursing home, grab one of those old-fashioned picture albums! You will be glad that you did.